I am very sorry that I haven't been on here sooner. Getting back into the swing of things with the kids, their school, and everything else. And now we have a goat that is getting ready to be a mama! So I'm getting ready for the new one's arrival.

Craig's throat is healing nicely from the radiation. He is able to eat small amounts ofsoft or liquid type foods. Nothingthat is dry or that requires a lot of saliva to process- his saliva glands seem to be shot for the time being. His energy level is still very low- though he is trying to go on small walks daily- and he is buzzing around the house "cleaning". I usually end up going behind him to put back in place what he has cleaned. But it is good for him to be up and around so I don't mind. It seems that most of his time is devoted to his tube feeding- but he is up 3 pounds!We were so excited to hear that today!
We were also hoping that yesterday would have been the last day for his shots that I have to give him  (in his stomach for blood clots)- but we have at least 3 more days of it. That stuff is crazy expensive- and it didn't cheer me up all that much when the nurse said that there is one shot that is $5000.00 per shot! Five THOUSAND dollars? Who has THAT kind of money??!! I praying that his levels are higher when he has his lab work done this Thursday and that the warfrin is doing it's job.

Now I have to figure out a way to keep his spirits up- his depression is at an all time low-the docs are figuring out how to work with that. And it was decided that Craig is not a good canidate for liver treatments due to the depression- I asked today what the alternative was- as in what would happen if he didn't get treated- but they didn't have an answer that I liked. So I guess we wait on that as well.

I would like to thank all of our dear friends and family who have kept us in their thoughts and prayers- I need to catch up on some phone calls but actually I am not in a mood for talking lately- maybe I need some more sunshine!
Love to all!

Dec 31, 2010

Well friends and family- today is the last day of 2010- the older I get the faster time slips away. Craig's throat is healing well from the radiation- and his body is healing well from the chemo- now we are playing the waiting game to see if the cancer is gone or not. In January he will also begin treatment for his Hep C- it had been dormant for years but this cancer treatment kicked it up in full gear. I can't begin to express how many times a day I pray for his full healing- it is heart breaking to see how much this has taken a toll on him. The public sees him from time to time and what I hear is how great he looks- but they see him with his heavy coat and jeans on- I see him in his long john and t shirt- the amount of weight he has lost is staggering- and all I can think of is my in-laws with my previous husband- and how much weight they lost before they passed from cancer- and then I go into a panic attack- so yeah- my prayers and angels are working overtime.
But the doctors say that his throat is healing so quickly- so I'm hoping that is a good sign for the rest of his body!
We got rid of 5 of our goats the other day- so now we only have 3- I wanted to downsize the amount of work to be done on the farm- we are also down to 9 chickens- so although we still have our farm I'm not going gung ho on the production of the farm- I would much rather spend my time with my family, or on my art- (sculptures and photography)- Craig's illness has taught both of us a great deal.
So on this- the last day of 2010- I wish everyone good health and much happiness in the following year and every year hereafter! (now I'm off to complete my annual last day of the year tradition- deep clean my house- I love a nice clean house to start the new year with!)

Dec 27, 2010

It has been forever and I apologize! Things have been super crazy and time just slipped thru my hands.
Craig was released from the hospital a couple of weeks ago- the doctors opted to end treatment- he had 5 more radiation treatments and 1 chemo left- but the doctors were afraid that his body was too weak to withstand any more treatments.
He was in a tizzy to get home- and I had to slow him down because I had been going 100 miles an hour doing kids school stuff- packing- farm- everything in the world it felt like.Plus I was getting the benefit put together.
So we came home and then Saturday, December 18th we had his benefit at a non-smoking club in McCall- Foresters. A live band- The River Rock Band set up and started playing their dancing music at 7pm- (Craig practiced with this band for a little bit- and the drummer- Hurricane Bob is a dear family friend- Sara calls him Uncle Bob)
There was a silent auction that went well- many businesses and individuals donated services and items- everything was auctioned off. Then there was the raffle- and door prizes. I must say that I was very stressed and freaking out- but an hour or so into the benefit I realized that everyone was having fun- it was running smoothly- and so I started to breath again. Although it wasn't a knock down drag out success- it was VERY helpful and lovely- the bills will be covered and we can concentrate on Craig healing.
Today we packed and cleaned the little rental in Boise- we spent Christmas Day down there with my brother-in-law John and my neices- this was the first holiday that we have spent together like this and it was SUCH A BLESSING!!! I love those girls- they are so sweet and loving- and John has come such a long way since I first met him. He found G-D and his life has turned into a working miracle- he shed so many of his hurtful habits and has become a very good man- one I'm proud to call my brother. We are planning fishing trips with the girls and him once summer hits- good times ahead!
Anyway- we packed and cleaned th ehouse- only to discover that we didn't have enough room in the car and truck for everything- so the boys and I are going down Wednedsay to get the rest and get their snowboards.
Thank you everyone who helped to make the benefit a huge success- and thank you everyone for their blessings and prayers- I appreciate everything so much- and Craig does too- now just to get him well!

Dec 11 2010

Craig has been home for 4 days now- and still says he is in, "survivor" mode. Most of his time is spent sleeping, the rest of his day revolves around his tube feeding, taking his meds, and H2O- he is trying to get into a schedule with some sort of normalcy. (if that is how you spell it)
Needless to say I can't really tell if his spirits are high,low, or what. His statement about survival mode leads me to believe he is tired of the whole scenario and is ready for it to be over. As would anyone I believe. He is trying to help out around the house with kids, housework- and we have ton of snow that has been falling- so he is thinking of trying to get it moved. Key word being trying- it is my job to get the snow moved BEFORE he gets out there to TRY-
We are having the benefit this Saturday the 18th at Foresters in McCall- I'm currently getting that all organized- with a meeting tomorrow with a few of the volunteers. I really hope it is a success- all this work- if people show up- have fun and leave happy that will be great. Plus they can do some last minute shopping for the holidays- one stop shopping- almost!
I had to run down to Boise yesterday to get some errands run- pack up some of the rental- and I promised my neice I would attend he Christmas Bazaar Concert- it was pretty cute- and her face lit up when she realized I had been able to make it so the trip was more than worth it.
Ok- going to get going- hope everyone is doing well- keep us in your prayers-
(side note- I was in Rite-Aid today and glimpsed an article in some rag mag on Michael Douglas- since Craig is going thru the same thing as he is it caught my eye- what I didn't realize though is that I was crying- tears were streaming down my face before I knew it. Knowing that even one more person is going thru the same thing as us breaks my heart- at the end of the day it doesn't matter if you are rich, famous, poor and unknown- illness doesn't care or discriminate- )
blessing to all!

December 5 2010

It's been a week since I've been on- wow- times flies when you're not having fun! Craig is still in the hospital- though his white blood cell count was normal as of Friday- they still do not have the nasuea under control. And until they get that under control he has to stay in the hospital. On Friday they were supposed to do a brain scan to see if there was anything wrong that was causing the nasuea- but I haven't heard one way or another if there is. His spirits have been ok- until he starts thinking of our finances- that usually sends him into a panic attack- so I've been trying to do all of the stressing about that on my own. Not that it is any better for me to have a panic attack- lol- but he has enough to think about without adding that to the mix.
He had his last chemo on Friday as well- so that is over! YAY!!
I'll keep everyone updated- and  thank you to everyone for their prayers,blessings, and love

short but sweet

Craigs white blood cell count is normal!!!!! YAY!! Now to get the stomach infection under control and we'll be out of the woods!

November 24 2010

Today marks Craig's second day in the hospital- it looks like he is going to be in here until sometime next week- probably a week from today.
The pain meds they gave him yesterday had him so drugged up he doesn't remember anything from yesterday- which is good because I know I was freaked out- and if I'm freaked out I can't imagine what he would have felt.
The high dose of the pain meds and the type of meds caused him to have several mini seizures- like epilepsy I'm thinking. There were times when his whole body was convulsing and he couldn't do anything to stop it. So I think not remembering that would be a good thing.
His pain is under control now- and so is his nasuea- but his white blood cell count is still dropping and his liver levels are becoming more elevated. They are uping the dose of the medication that promotes white blood cell production- but that takes a few days for them to see results. And they ares suctioning out the mucus in his throat- which is helping VERY much in his oxygen intake- his breathing- and the way he sounds when he breathes- now he just sounds like a kitten purring- instead of a whole tribe of lions roaring.
Once again the nurses and the staff here at St. Als are wonderful. Very helpful, caring and knowledgable. Couldn't ask for a better hospital or better staff.
I'm heading to Parma today to pick up the girls- my dad and step-mom picked the girls up at the rental and spent the day and night with them. I'll getthe girls around 3:30- then we'll come back here to visit Craig- then it's back to the rental- then to a cheapo movie- then back to see Craig- then back to the rental to sleep. Instead of having the kidos here all week like we had planned I'm taking them to their Dad's house on Saturday. I hate leaving Craig in the hospital.
I would like to thank all of the sweet caring people who have commited to helping us on this journey. I firmly believe that there are no accidental meetings; everyone in your life has a purpose- even if it is just a smile or a kind word to lift your spirits and make your day. Prayers, blessings, and just knowing that there are people out there who acknowledge our worth makegoing thru this time easier.
 It is so easy to get lost in the day to day process of living that we forget to see the sparkle in the icicle.